“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”
“no, i said she was fucking goofy”
(via follower)
i’m afraid sex will sound the same as when you stir potato salad and that’s why i’m staying a virgin
(via follower)
wanna hear about my favorite person in the world?
*presents autobiography*
(via follower)
remember when that radio host started laughing at the earliest human recording but she had to announce a death next
(Source: vocaroo, via theperksofhavingbigboobs)
